Guardians on the Journey

I heard a report this week about the Sandy Hook families and the fact that each family was matched with a state trooper.  I thought it was kind of odd and wondered why.  What would they need a state trooper for?  It didn't make sense until I heard the story. 

The officers were called guardians and were simply at the disposal of each family - do whatever you can for them if at all possible.  This one particular trooper, Eddie Vayan, was more like a guardian angel.  He was there for the family as they waited to find out if their little girl, Katherine, was among the dead.  He stood at the casket for several hours because her brother, Freddie, asked that he stay and protect her body.  He was with Freddie's mom as she put him back on the school bus weeks later, knowing that the last time she had done that only one of her children came home.  Eddie Vayan's role was just to be there and do whatever they asked of him, and sometimes he anticipated their needs when they didn't even know what to request of him.  In the course of their time together, he became connected to them in a deeply meaningful and profound way, and they will obviously be connected forever. 

Watching that report, I realized that that's the greatest gift of the journey that I am on.  I have dozens of "guardians" who are simply here to walk with me and get me through this.  Some I have known since I was in grade school and some I have met more recently.  People who live near and far away, who see their role as supporting me in any way that I need, even when I don't know what that is.  To have so many loving relationships with so many incredible people overwhelms me these days.  The relationships are deeper, more meaningful, more appreciated, more wondrous.  It's an amazing gift, and one that I get to keep forever. 

To all my guardians, thank you.  I am grateful for you each and every day.  You make the journey light.  I promise to pay it forward.   

Friday Update

Fridays involve health-related appts in some way.  Today's was just bloodwork and was fairly quick.  They take blood and get the results within minutes so they can see how the levels of white blood cells, platelets, etc. look.  Mine looked the way they expected them to - levels are lower but still in a good enough zone to continue with treatment on a 21 day cycle.  I return next Friday for the same, and if all looks good at that point, I get the next round of cocktails after that.  So far so good! 

The Beginning of Leg 2

I am delighted to be writing because it means I am joining the world once again!  I have been in some other place since Friday afternoon.  Five different drugs went into this round's cocktail including all the keep-you-well drugs that they give you to counter the make-you-sick-as-a-dog drugs.  I settled into my easy chair Friday morning with about a dozen other patients, and my port went to work as planned.  It was painless at that point, and any anxiety I felt came from the anticipation of what awful things were going to start happening to my body that I wouldn't be able to control.  Visions of the Exorcist flashed but it was quite uneventful. 

Cut to Friday afternoon.  Had lunch.  At home.  Then it was like someone flipped a switch, and all I wanted to do was throw up or sleep.  Luckily, there were more keep-you-well drugs, so sleep won out most of the time and the overwhelming nausea could be kept at bay. 

Break for visit to hospital on Saturday for a shot of keep-you-well something or other that made my  bones ache.  (This was planned - 24 hours after cocktails.)  

Then back home to my cocktail fog.  It started to lift about Monday afternoon, when it became a piercing headache that would disappear as fast as it started.  By about noon today it subsided, and I have felt better since.  I am elated! 

More Prep For Leg 2

Yesterday I had my first echocardiogram.  Apparently one of the possible side effects of all the cocktails is weakening of the heart so regular checks will be the norm for a while, along with the many white-haired folk.  Another department to get to know at the hospital.  It was just like having an ultrasound when you're pregnant, except that there was none of the excitement of hearing your baby's  heartbeat.  (Of course, hearing your own healthy, rhythmic heartbeat does make you feel good, too!)  Hopefully it's just another precaution, and I will be running the Crescent City Classic next spring!  Something to look forward to....maybe I should buy a new outfit just for the occasion.  Time to do some shopping on Skirt Sports.   

FAQs

Q:  If the mastectomy was successful, why do you have to have chemo and all the other drugs?
A:  My lymph nodes looked great, tumor margins were clear,  and all the cancer was removed.  Cocktails and the upcoming mastectomy are simply to decrease the likelihood of a recurrence in the future.  My oncologist made it very clear when she showed me all the projections with and without cocktails.  For the long term, it just makes sense, especially since I'm so young!  "And may the odds be ever in your favor." 

Q:  Why don't you get a second opinion?
A:  I am very confident in the team of doctors that I have and trust them completely.  Because they all agree with the course of treatment and because the projections are all there in black and white, there really isn't much of a decision to make or to question for that matter.  It's the logical path, and I am most comfortable with that. 

Prepping for Leg 2

On Friday I had a Port-a-Cath put in, which is how the medication will be administered when all the cocktails start next week.  It wasn't painful at all, just an outpatient procedure that left me feeling sore in the shoulder area.

If you want more info on the Port-a-Cath, click here.

Path results show that cocktails will greatly increase my chances for a cancer-free future.  With that said, there was really no decision to be made - makes sense, right?  At the moment, it looks like I will start on 3/22 with a mix of chemo and other drugs.  Blood work in the weeks following that will indicate whether we proceed with treatments every 21 days or change that up.  I know it seems strange to many friends, but I am so looking forward to getting it started.  (The sooner we start, the sooner it will be over!) 

Leg 1

After getting The News, things moved very quickly.  Results were in on a Friday, and I was scheduled for a mastectomy on the following Wednesday.  This leg was fairly painless.  Reconstruction was started at the same time with a team of amazing surgeons, and I was quite ready to move on removing the other breast. That was put on hold by one of my surgeons who seemed to think I was making these decisions too quickly.  What he didn't know was that I had made these decisions long ago.  If you are an adult female, you've probably given this some thought, too.  I simply knew and felt it was the right thing for me.  But alas.  At this moment in time I have sprouted one beautiful perfect breast which sits high and mighty, gloating above the other....the "good one" seems to sag lower with each passing minute, biding her time until the summer perhaps when she, too, will sit protruding, perky, and proud.  I wait with bated breath. 

In The Beginning

So the page is swimming in pink...well, that's the point right?  Okay, I agree it's a bit much but pink is the new black, at least from where I sit.  On February 1, 2013 I got that phone call - you know the one.  While it was hard to swallow during those first few hours, I was surrounded by angels who swooped in and put my shattered psyche back together.  I couldn't even say the word cancer without crying at that point because there was so much unknown.  My mind automatically went to the worst case, thinking of friends that I'd lost this way or thinking of my sweet "Pawpaw" who got the same phone call in October.  The difference was that he received a message of "Get your affairs in order."  My message was "It's breast cancer but you caught it early and you will be fine."  You will be fine.  Four little words.  I won the lottery.  Four little words.