Inspiration

My last post seems like years ago.  Since July, I had the final phase of surgery (which means that now I have nipples.)  The whole procedure was very easy, and my surgeons were able to kill two birds with one stone because my port was also removed during the same surgery.  Recovery was not bad at all; I just had to stay dry and not move around too much for a few weeks.  We actually went on vacation during that time, but it was a good excuse to sit and read while my hubby took the kids to the pool.  I was in heaven looking at the water from the balcony and racing through a stack of books!  I am delighted to write that there are no planned surgeries in my future or any invasive procedures of any kind!  Tattoos are scheduled for this month, and I hear that that's fairly easy with minimal discomfort.  That will be It!     

So, life has resumed and is returning back to normal (as in pre-BC.)  I have energy once again and feel terrific.   There are now days where I don't have to think about doctors, appointments, treatments, or how I am feeling (because it's always good!)  I no longer have to take meds for side effects like neuropathy and my hands/feet no longer tingle or hurt.  (That was a big one!)  I am now on a four month schedule with my oncologist and a six month schedule with my OBGYN (because the meds that can keep BC at bay can also cause ovarian cancer.  Oy vey!)  My last visit to both docs was a birthday trip in October where I received the best gift ever - blood work  and tests were all clear!     

People now often say things like, "You're such an inspiration" or something along those lines.  I think not.  My story is one of the easy ones.  One of the joyful tales of cancer.  Caught early.  Treated by medical professionals who know what they are doing.  Clear margins.  No remaining evidence.  Each and every day I think about all the stories that don't end this way.  I think about the gift that I've been given, I think about how random life is, I think about the fact that it can all be over in an instant and for whatever reason, I have a future when so many others don't.  So I leave you with a real tale of inspiration instead.

A friend passed on the book Life in a Jar by Jack Mayer.  (I love getting book recs - it tells you so much about the person!)  This book tells the story of Irena Sendler and how her story was made public by three high school students.  In a nutshell, Sendler rescued 2,500 children during the Holocaust but it was kept very quiet by the Polish government until the story was researched further by a few girls in Kansas.  An amazing story and an incredible woman!  In spite of the Hallmark clips, I hope she inspires you.

Click here to view the Irena Sendler video.  

"Who changes one person, changes the whole world."
                                                      -Jewish Talmud

Cramming the Daylight Hours

I haven't updated in a while because life is wonderfully full and incredibly busy!  I am delighted to write that I have a terrific amount of energy again, and I find that I enjoy cramming the daylight hours with as much as possible.  I am currently working the infant room at summer camp in an attempt to get my baby fix.  (No, the dog didn't work.)  I am completely addicted to MOOCs (massive open online courses) and have taken part in some fascinating classes like The Music of the Beatles, Moralities in Everyday Life, and Human Genetics.  (Coursera is a great app for this, if you're interested.)  I am volunteering again in my free time and am learning all about the workings of Second Harvest Food Bank.  (Like my 8-year-old says, what's more important than food?)  I am able to read, read, read again and am plowing through some of my own choices, along with some recommendations from my teen.  (That is so fun!)  All of this put together makes me feel like screaming, "I AM BACK!"  Well, the updated version is here anyway...I will never be Version 1.0 again.  Like those old Greeks said, no man ever steps in the same river twice because it's not the same river and he's not the same man (or woman.)  But Me-Version 2.0 is almost complete!   

I completed My Very Last Treatment on June 27th.  Before I was hooked up, I had a conversation with my nurse about my port because it seemed to be showing more of itself as of late and I was a little worried about it shifting around under my skin.  A really nice guy in the chair next to me started talking to me about all the issues he had had with his port and how it was so troublesome that he was now on port #2, which was also beginning to give him trouble.  I am grateful for the gifts given to me every day; in almost 2 years, my port has never given me pain or trouble with my meds in any way.  My last treatment was delightfully uneventful, which means that I am finished!  My oncologist said all is well, and the port can now be removed so that is scheduled for July 21st.  Six days and counting...  

During the 7/21 surgery, I will also get one of the last phases of reconstruction done at that same time.  (Am I allowed to write about nipples on Blogger?)  My final lady parts will be created by my amazing plastic surgeon (and then the only thing left will be tatts to complete the look.)  A friend recently asked, "Wait - are you nipple-less right now???"  It's hard to picture I'm sure, but what I currently have are implants under skin with massively huge scars in diagonal lines across each breast and no nipples because those were also removed during the mastectomies.  The new-fake nipples will be created with skin flaps cut along the scar line and folded outward into a sort of pouch.  (The tattoos will be last which will provide the appropriate coloring.)  The whole procedure is actually quite amazing and fascinating.  The end is rapidly approaching.  Still hard to imagine!

One of the hard things about cancer is that it really messes with your mind.  You have to work hard to dwell in the now and not get caught up in the what-ifs of the past and/or future.  It takes active work a lot of the time but fortunately it can also wax and wane.  So until next time, I leave you with one article and one song that will tell you where my head is at this point.  It's a great place to be; I am full of joy at being this far along the journey and this healthy.  


The article is about the life of Nelson Mandela; it's about how he survived his emotional and physical journey all those years.  Click here.  

The song is by Natalie Merchant and is an oldie but a goodie.  When I hear it I am reminded to relish every minute.  May you "know it's true, that you are blessed and lucky" and feel it in your heart.    Click here. 

  

Lessons Learned, Maya Angelou (1928-2014)

“I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou

The End of the Journey is in Sight

What a ride this last year and a half has been.  The closer I get to the finish line, the more I have to work at being patient with the process.  Let me tell ya, it gets old!  I am so tired of visiting hospitals (although I am grateful for the treatment that has me here) and I am tired of being a patient and thinking so much about how I am feeling.  I am just very antsy to be done and get my self back.  And that is the irony in all this for I wonder who that self will be. As John Green says, you can't know what an experience will mean to future you until you are future you. 

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”
― Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

With the exchange being made (expanders out and implants in), that is the last of the major surgeries.  All went well, I am getting my energy back, and am gearing up for summer.  The exchange process was fairly simple and the recovery was quick.  But I think this go round I may have gone to work too quickly because once I returned I was easily run down and had to take time off.  Anyone who knows me knows that I hate to be away from my classroom so I know I was not feeling right when I decided I had to stay home.   (Side note:  sometimes you don't realize how bad you feel until you feel better and then realize, "Oh, yeah, this is what I am supposed to feel like!")

The Big Question is now always, "How do They look?"  All I can say is that they look nothing like what I had after breastfeeding two babies for years.  They don't exactly look or feel like my own yet, but I sure better get the rest of my body in shape to match them.  My plastic surgeon is meticulous and attentive to every detail, and he has done an amazing job.  Just beautiful!  The next question is then, "What's left?"

I returned to my oncologist who says everything looks great as far as levels in my blood work, etc. so I started treatment again.  (I need 52 weeks of a drug called Herceptin.  Not a chemo drug.  No terrible side effects, just a sort of hangover that evening and the next day. Sometimes headache on and off, etc.)  While the end of May was once the end of the 52 weeks of treatment, surgery pushed it back another month so the end of June is the new bull's eye.  After that, I will get to have my port removed!  Woohoo!  So that surgery will hopefully be at the end of July.  My doc is so fabulous that he suggested removing the port and getting nipples in one surgery (who knew?) so that's what I'm hoping for if we can swing it.  It just means coordinating the general surgeon and the plastic surgeon on the same timeline.  That would be The End, The Grand Finale.  WOW!  I can't wait to have that scheduled.

Meanwhile, I am on the road to running again.  Actually just walking right now but the first morning I was able to just walk a few miles, I was just incredibly happy.  To be alone in the park after a run was always a highlight for me, and sitting there thinking about how long it had been made me so very grateful for my health and my strong body.  Gratitude is a very powerful emotion.  What are you grateful for today? 

Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth...
      

I Feel the Ice is Slowly Melting....

Another surgery can be checked off the list, which means I am that much closer to the end of the journey.  This one was the final Big One (meaning that there are other Little Ones to come but nothing like the Big Three.)  So I feel mostly relieved at what is already over and forever grateful that at some point in 2014 my body will belong to me again and not a team of doctors.  Honestly, I ache for the day when BC patient is not at the forefront of my identity.  But every day I remind myself of how long I have been on the journey (more than a year) and try to keep it in perspective.

So what's left?  The journey is at a standstill due to surgery so, while I still have treatments left, I can't restart them until my oncologist gives the green light and she says my body needs to rest for a bit.  I'm hopeful that treatments will be over at the end of June.  I also need nipples/tattoos or some combo of both (or neither?) but that will be discussed with my plastic surgeon in the coming weeks.  I'm not sure how I feel about nipples and/or tatts, and it depends on how much is involved in getting  them.  There comes a point where 1) they're not that important and 2) I don't want to be poked and prodded anymore.  So for now I am playing it by ear.  Once again, perspective.

I  leave you with some final thoughts on perspective brought to you from one of my favorite authors, John Green.  Hope the sun is beginning to brighten your journey, too.  

John Green's Perspective

   

Happy Spring!

As spring settles over New Orleans, the days are already warm, sunlight is plentiful, and we have spent many afternoons hanging in the park before dinner.  One of BC's gifts is that you recognize that each moment spent with your children is the opportunity to make a memory that will stick with them long after you are gone.  As we check on the status of the baby turtles in the pond or watch a heron stalk the fish beneath him, I'm reminded of one of my favorite videos.  Hope you like it, too.  Enjoy the spring!  

Gretchen Rubin's "The Years Are Short"

Happy Mardi Gras!

For those of you who are reading this from a city other than NOLA, I send you my condolences.  That means that you had a regular work week, your children were in school, and life coursed along as usual.  In New Orleans, it was quite a different story, and I don't mean to rub it in, but you missed out on a great party.  Happy Mardi Gras!  

2014 seems to be racing by already.  As the BC patient, I am thrilled.  It means the countdown continues to the end of treatments, which should be the end of May or beginning of June.  I did have an exact date in my head but my oncologist thwarted that plan because she wants to postpone treatment a week or two after April's surgery.  Delaying it even a week is frustrating when you've been counting down for 52 weeks but the alternative keeps me grateful and more than happy to suck it up.  

So, surgery in April is quite exciting!  It's set for April 17.  It means I'm reaching the end of the reconstruction phase as I get implants for spring break.  (Still appropriate even though I didn't get them for Mardi Gras as I had wished.)  My plastic surgeon says this should be much easier than the mastectomy so I'm ready.  Yet another countdown.  The expansion phase is over, and I'm back to literally feeling comfortable again in my own skin.  Very happy to be finished with that part of the journey!

I came across a site that I love called My BC Team, which has an app, too.  The site is just like Facebook but for women with BC.  If you know anyone who has been diagnosed, pass on the info because it's a wonderful place to connect with people who are on the journey and in a very easy way.  Lots of times you think you are crazy for feeling some kind of pain that makes no sense at all and My BC Team is a great place to throw out the strange questions.  When you post a question and several people answer you, it just confirms that you're not crazy in a way that a Google search can't.  (Are my eyes really twitching from chemo?  When will my insomnia go away?  Are my eyelashes really falling out AGAIN???)  It's also a place where you can go at any time of the day or night and get support however you need it.  Although other people can be wonderfully supportive, sometimes the only people who truly understand are the people who are ahead of you on the journey.  One of my favorite aspects of the app is the "hug" button; a virtual hug can sometimes make all the difference in the world from another Pink Warrior. 

From Mardi Gras to spring... I am so ready! 

I am coming, I am coming!
Hark! the honey bee is humming;
See, the lark is soaring high
In the blue and sunny sky,
And the gnats are on the wing
Wheeling round in airy ring.

-from The Voice of Spring by Mary Howitt