What a ride this last year and a half has been. The closer I get to the finish line, the more I have to work at being patient with the process. Let me tell ya, it gets old! I am so tired of visiting hospitals (although I am grateful for the treatment that has me here) and I am tired of being a patient and thinking so much about how I am feeling. I am just very antsy to be done and get my self back. And that is the irony in all this for I wonder who that self will be. As John Green says, you can't know what an experience will mean to future you until you are future you.
“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to
be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you
want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing.
We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of
it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things
you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of
view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re
not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”
―
Eric Roth,
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
With the exchange being made (expanders out and implants in), that is the last of the major surgeries. All went well, I am getting my energy back, and am gearing up for summer. The exchange process was fairly simple and the recovery was quick. But I think this go round I may have gone to work too quickly because once I returned I was easily run down and had to take time off. Anyone who knows me knows that I hate to be away from my classroom so I know I was not feeling right when I decided I had to stay home. (Side note: sometimes you don't realize how bad you feel until you feel better and then realize, "Oh, yeah, this is what I am supposed to feel like!")
The Big Question is now always, "How do They look?" All I can say is that they look nothing like what I had after breastfeeding two babies for years. They don't exactly look or feel like my own yet, but I sure better get the rest of my body in shape to match them. My plastic surgeon is meticulous and attentive to every detail, and he has done an amazing job. Just beautiful! The next question is then, "What's left?"
I returned to my oncologist who says everything looks great as far as levels in my blood work, etc. so I started treatment again. (I need 52 weeks of a drug called Herceptin. Not a chemo drug. No terrible side effects, just a sort of hangover that evening and the next day. Sometimes headache on and off, etc.) While the end of May was once the end of the 52 weeks of treatment, surgery pushed it back another month so the end of June is the new bull's eye. After that, I will get to have my port removed! Woohoo! So that surgery will hopefully be at the end of July. My doc is so fabulous that he suggested removing the port and getting nipples in one surgery (who knew?) so that's what I'm hoping for if we can swing it. It just means coordinating the general surgeon and the plastic surgeon on the same timeline. That would be The End, The Grand Finale. WOW! I can't wait to have that scheduled.
Meanwhile, I am on the road to running again. Actually just walking right now but the first morning I was able to just walk a few miles, I was just incredibly happy. To be alone in the park after a run was always a highlight for me, and sitting there thinking about how long it had been made me so very grateful for my health and my strong body. Gratitude is a very powerful emotion. What are you grateful for today?
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth...
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