Call Me Ripley

So it's official.  You may now call me Ripley.  I like to think of myself as Ripley whooping aliens, her bald head gleaming from the exertion of the asskicking given to the creatures around her.  Aliens sound like way more fun than cancer but I hope to kill everything in the first installment and not have to go for two sequels to get there. 

The million dollar question that everyone has asked today is how I feel about it.  When the hair started falling out, I was certain that I would shave.  I got ready to do it and just couldn't.  There was a bit of denial there...you know, maybe it won't ALL fall out...maybe it will stop falling out...maybe today is the day that I won't lose any more.  Fat chance.  Each day it would fall out a little at a time, and then over the last week it was raining down in bigger and bigger clumps (and then piles.)  That can be pretty disconcerting, to say the least.  I haven't really felt or looked like I was "sick" in any way, but suddenly I was looking in the mirror, seeing my intensely white scalp through the slender threads of hair still on my head.  No possible denial there.  So what's a girl to do? 

For me, shaving it today was actually empowering.  It was something that I could control and made me feel liberated.  No more waiting for it to fall out.  Now I can wait for it to grow back!  Meanwhile, let's count all the wonderful things about being hairless because the only hair remaining on my body is now my eyebrows and eyelashes (at least for now.) 

• The feeling of warm water on your head (without hair in the way) feels quite delightful and incredibly relaxing.   (I bet a scalp massage would send me off the deep end!)    
• It takes me no time to get ready now.
• My bathroom counter is clutter free - no combs, brushes, hairdryer, flat iron, or hair products. 
• I will save lots of money on shampoo.  (My hairdresser got me addicted to this amazing shampoo, which of course costs a fortune!)  
• I will also save money on waxing.  (While I do still have eyebrows, no new hair has grown, so I don't even have to pluck.)   
• I save time in the shower.  No need to shave my legs! 

As I said goodbye to my hair today, I was sad for only one reason.  It was the end of a relationship between my husband and my hair that has been so loving and sweet that I was sad to see it end.  When all the fun started in February, I was unable to wash my hair because I didn't have use of my left arm.  He would not only wash it for me, but he watched my hairdresser once so that he could learn to dry it the way I wanted.  (Yes, he even learned to use a round brush to straighten it!)  Today when I asked him to shave it, he did it without even thinking about it or questioning me.  He just knew I was ready.  Grand gestures are always lovely, but it's these little things that make you feel enveloped in love.  If your partner has never washed your hair, try it some time.  It can be quite intimate.

Now I've come to the end of Day 1, and I know that the decision was the right one.  My concern was that I thought I knew how I would feel about it after the fact, but you certainly can't control how you feel, and what if I did it and felt horrible afterward?  Well, thank goodness that didn't happen.  I do feel great about the decision and who in the world would have predicted that?!  I'm learning all sorts of information about myself as the journey unfolds. 

Signing off for now,
Ripley