A Tale of Two Babies

The world was all abuzz this week over the birth of a baby.  One baby boy in particular.  One prince that will lead a life surrounded by wealth, luxury, and power.  On the day of his birth, I came across another baby who had a very different life.  Stopping at a red light, I pulled my car up behind a van and noticed the Nevada license plate.  Then I read the sticker across the back windshield in honor of Connor Dean Lawrence.  As I sat there thinking about who Connor might have been, I saw the dates and even my chemo-brain could count to two.  Connor was only two when he died.  I have no idea why but I was compelled to find out how he had died.  I was actually thinking that he must have had some horrible childhood form of cancer, and I was grateful at that moment that I had been the one diagnosed with it and not my children.  But Connor was not killed by any disease; he was killed at the hands of "his mother's estranged husband," said the Internet.  (The murderer is currently serving a life sentence without parole.)  That brings me back to the first thoughts I had on beginning this journey:  life is so random.  One baby is born into such privilege and another baby is brutally murdered.  I have the potential to walk away from this completely unscathed, while some of my cocktail buddies can't even receive their treatments because their blood counts don't allow it.  (I hadn't even realized that this is, of course, a possibility each week; it has just never happened to me.)  Baby George & Baby Connor.  Me & those whose journeys are not so light. 

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair..."     
- Charles Dickens

So my journey continues and I am grateful to be in "the season of light and the spring of hope."  I have four weeks to go and the worst part is the insomnia and upset stomachs, not much to complain about in the grand scheme of things.  AND my hair appears to be coming in!  Although my head looks like the back of a baby elephant, there do appear to be little sprouts, even while the eyebrows and eyelashes continue to fall out.  Randomness all around.  And plenty of gratitude. 

I leave you with another of my favorite TED Talks.  Click here to watch Tania Luna.

July's Latest Update

Things continue to roll along pretty smoothly.  I am officially halfway through the second round and look forward to this Friday because it will be number 7 out of 12!  So much of this battle is psychological so it helps to say it's halfway over and then chemo will be done.  Round 2 almost over!  Meanwhile, there are no major side effects to speak of.  Nothing that knocks me out but rather a host of itty bitty irritants...eyelid twitching, sensitive stomach, night sweats, continued hair loss, insomnia...there are meds for the side effects of the meds already taken, but I have no desire to put more meds into a body that is already full of 'em.   

Instead I do things like stay awake all night and watch educational shows at 2am like Honey Boo Boo and Duck Dynasty.  Interesting.  I think about things like common themes...(you'd think that I was writing a thesis or something, although I'm sure there is a sociology program out there that would grant me a PhD for it...)  Both of these shows ultimately depict two families that love each other and love being together.  They have fun, take care of each other, and laugh a lot - a great recipe for happiness.  Many American families could learn a lot from them.  (You just have to ignore the fart jokes and potty talk and lots of other stuff!)  I've also enjoyed the naked shows on the Discovery Channel - Naked & Afraid, Naked Castaway - no, I'm not making those titles up - in the middle of the night they are quite entertaining.  Much more so than the show about the bubonic plague that I got caught up in on the History Channel.  (Did you know that in dealing with the Black Death in Europe thousands of Jews were killed as those in power thought they might win God's favor by doing so? I learned some gruesome facts that made it even harder to sleep after that.)          

Lest you think I am squandering my remaining brain cells on TV all summer, please know that reading is my primary task these days.  While I'm not lethargic the way I was with round 1, the weekly cocktails keep me on the edge of tiredness all the time.  I am more than happy to crawl into bed with a good book at any time of day, and I've gotten through quite a few over the last few weeks.  I am grateful for the time to let my body rest whenever it needs to and for the workings of my brain which finds reading possible and enjoyable again. 

As I countdown to August 23rd and The Last Cocktail, I am also excited about the next phase, the second mastectomy.  I recently met with my oncologist and my plastic surgeon, and we are beginning to talk about future possibilities.  The plan is finish with chemo, get all my counts back to normal and give my body a rest, and then complete the mastectomy as soon as possible after that.  I am also done with echocardiograms, which means that my heart is strong and survived chemo!  It feels like there is an end to the journey in sight!